


Just Tonight

by therealtortilla



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 13:34:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1187175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therealtortilla/pseuds/therealtortilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin is single and Nick wants him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty much all the cliches of a Kev/Nick fic wrapped into one. Enjoy.

People joked about it a lot of the time. Which Backstreet Boy was gay? Had to be Howie, how perfect his hair was all the time. Was clearly AJ – the tattooed man was a rebel and he'd for sure be the first to commit some sort of bisexual act. Or maybe it was Brian – hiding behind his religious exterior, but if you watched closely, he sure liked to touch the other guys quite a bit.

None of them were gay, though. One time AJ and Howie had made out on a dare at some Hollywood party, and thankfully the press didn't catch wind of that.

And then there was the other time, the one that none of them ever talked about, not anymore but they all knew about. It was as if it had never happened, but to Kevin, Nick's face was a constant reminder. And to Nick, Kevin's was. The rest of the boys, sans AJ, didn't know, or really care too much to know the details. They knew better not to ask, anyway.

Kevin had been in the off-again stage of his on-again-off-again with Kristin. Nick had drunkenly admitted a crush on Kevin, persuaded by AJ to finally get his feelings off his chest now that Kevin was “available.” Kevin tried to let him down easily, but Nick cried, and Kevin's heart broke. So he kissed him and tried to make it better, which worked, until Kevin started reprimanding AJ and blaming him for the situation. AJ got pissed and stormed out of the hotel room, and Nick cried again.

Since Nick rarely cried – Kevin wasn't sure he could remember a time Nick had cried after he turned 16 – Kevin had no clue how to handle the situation. 

“Nicky – Nicky, listen to me,” Kevin said, running his fingers soothingly through the 19-year-old's hair. “I love you. You know I do. This doesn't change anything between us, I promise.”

“I feel like such an idiot,” Nick said, sniffling. “I can't even talk to you right now.” He went to stand, but Kevin grabbed him and gently forced him back down.

“Nick, it's okay.”

“Why'd you kiss me? Why did you do that to me?”

“I thought you wanted me to kiss you,” Kevin said wearily, mentally smacking himself for his actions earlier. Kissing Nick obviously had been the wrong choice. It didn't help that AJ had been in the room either, basically edging him on with a simple look. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, wishing he had time to think.

“Yeah, I wanted you to kiss me – I've wanted that forever, Kevin. But not if you didn't want it, too!”

“It's not that I didn't want it,” Kevin tried uneasily.

“Don't lie, Kev, you don't need to lie to me. We're close. We're brothers, right? Don't say you wanted it when you didn't. It's okay, I swear.”

“Nick....”

“Don't say my name that way, with that tone of voice. It hurts, Kevin. I gotta go. I'm sorry.”

“Please promise you'll talk to me about this?” Kevin begged as Nick pulled away from him.

“Yeah – yeah, whatever, Kev.”

Kevin heard the door shut softly. He didn't sleep that night.

 

The next time they had an opportunity to party again, Nick got trashed.

“What did you fucking say to him the other night?” AJ yelled accusingly at Kevin over the loud, thumping dance music in the club. They watched Nick stumble between girls, nearly face-planting on the dance floor on two occasions. Kevin frowned. He should've been paying more attention to how much the younger man had consumed.

“I didn't say anything, man. I didn't want to hurt him,” Kevin said, feeling guilty nonetheless. Now what the hell was he supposed to do? This had been Nick's problem, and now it was his, too.

“Well clearly you did. You two really need to talk.”

“He didn't want to talk.”

“Well try again, dude. You better try again.”

 

AJ left, telling Kevin he could deal with Nick since it was his damn fault.

A few minutes after, Kevin swallowed the rest of his drink and made his way to the dance floor where Nick was starting to look sick.

 

Outside the club, Nick doubled over and vomited while Kevin held him and stroked his hair soothingly.

“Kev,” he choked, then spat out more vile, “Kev, I'm sorry.”

“Don't be sorry,” Kevin told him. “You had a bit too much to drink. Happens to the best of us.”

“That's not why I'm sorry.”

Kevin tried not to think about that. Nick spat one more time, and then held on as Kevin led them to the taxi their body guard had called. Thank God, because Kevin doubted he could've ordered a German taxi in his own buzz. Kevin helped Nick in, and they drove back to the hotel in silence.

Kevin was walking back to his own room after making sure Nick was settled in bed next to a trash can, thinking maybe he'd try calling Kristin and make amends. He ran into AJ in the hall, however, which completely thwarted his plans.

“Did you talk to him?” AJ asked sharply. He was opening a bag of potato chips he must've gotten from the vending machine down the hall. Offered one to Kevin, but Kevin shook his head.

“No. I figured I should wait until he's sober,” Kevin said, as if it was obvious.

“He's a fucking mess. At least make sure he doesn't choke on his own vomit!”

“He'll be fine, I just left his room,” Kevin said. “Gave him a trash can.”

“Well, go back,” AJ growled, pushing Kevin in the other direction.

“This is all your fault, AJ, you know that, right?” Kevin snapped at him as he turned to head towards Nick's room again.

“What, would you have rather not known?”

Kevin knew not to respond truthfully to that question, so he didn't respond at all.

He most definitely would have rather not known. Maybe it was selfish of him, but life had suddenly just become a lot more difficult with the knowledge that Nick loved him.

Liked him.

Loved him? Nick seemed a lot more upset over this than he should have been over a simple crush. Kevin was afraid to know how deep that ran. Didn't want to know.

 

He entered Nick's room again and sat beside him on the bed. Nick had been crying again but tried to hide it with a smile.

“You're back. I thought you were going to bed.”

“I thought we could talk,” Kevin said. Nick sat up against his pillows and reached for the glass of water Kevin had left him on the bedside table. He took a sip, set it back down carefully.

“You feeling better?”

“Still a little drunk here, Kev.”

“With good reason,” Kevin said, shrugging.

“I suppose you're worth getting drunk over, huh?” Nick tried to say humorously. Kevin just smiled at him. “Would you kiss me again?”

Kevin's heart dropped down to his stomach. He couldn't say no.... He couldn't say no, not if Nick had asked for it this time. He'd already hurt him once. Rejecting a simple kiss would just add salt to the wound, wouldn't it?

“I know I said I didn't want you to, but that was a lie. God I want to kiss you. I keep thinking about it. I spent so many nights thinking about it, you don't even know,” Nick said, playing with his bedsheets. “You don't have to.”

Instead of saying anything, Kevin leaned forward and kissed Nick. The other night had been sloppier, a quick graze of lips and tongue with the desperate purpose of getting Nick to stop crying. Tonight, Kevin paid more attention, opening his lips slightly. Nick did the same, shyly peeked out his tongue. They explored each other for a moment, then Nick backed away.

“I'm sorry,” he said softly.

“For what?”

“For liking you. For fucking things up.”

Kevin sighed and pulled Nick's forward to his.

“You're not fucking anything up. Nick, I care about you.”

“But not the same way I care about you.”

“I....”

“It's okay, you don't have to say anything. I wish I could take it back. We'll just... pretend I never said anything, okay?”

Kevin shook his head and kissed him again.

“Is that what you really want?” the older man asked, pulling far enough back so he could study Nick's bright blue eyes, which looked darker in the soft lampshade light of the hotel room.

Nick nodded firmly.

“Okay. But only after tonight,” Kevin said, then kissed him more deeply.

Nick wrapped his arms around Kevin and pulled him close, responding enthusiastically to everything Kevin did. Kevin gently caressed the younger man's shoulder, drew his fingers down his bare arm where he interlocked their hands. Nick squeezed his hand tightly, and Kevin felt him shifting around. Their hands broke apart.

“Let's get more comfortable,” Nick said softly, lying down against the pillows and spreading his legs. He beckoned Kevin to lay on top of him. Kevin did, and felt Nick's body buck up to meet him.

He wondered if Nick lying down was an invitation. He wanted to ask, but suddenly found himself unable to speak. So instead, he kissed Nick more, but didn't have to wait long.

Nick moved his chin down, breaking the kiss. He thrust his hips up urgently.

“Kevin,” he said. “It's up to you. I want this. You don't have to-”

“I want to,” Kevin nearly growled, forcing his body down hard into the younger man's.

“Just tonight,” Nick gasped, wrapping his legs around Kevin's waist.

“Just tonight,” Kevin repeated.

Their kisses became sloppier and needier. Kevin moved away from Nick's mouth and bit down on his neck. Nick made a whining sound in his throat so beautiful that Kevin nearly stopped in shock.

Eventually Kevin couldn't resist moving against the younger man. He began a steady thrust of his hips, interlocking their legs and pushing down. Nick made more little whines and clung to him. 

“ _Yes_ ,” Nick breathed sweetly.

“Do you like this?” Kevin murmured between neck kisses.

“Hell yes. God.”

“Do you want this?” Kevin paused and sat up slightly, digging his hand between them and placing it over the crotch of Nick's pants. He hadn't realized quite how hard Nick had gotten. He tried not to show his surprise.

“Mmhm,” Nick nodded, and pulled Kevin down for another kiss. While their tongues played, Kevin worked Nick's zipper down to the best of his ability. He managed to undo the button, too. Then Nick pushed him back. 

“Undress,” he said. “Now.”

Kevin obeyed, stripping off his shirt quickly. He paused as he undid his jeans.

“Nick, you know this does actually mean something to me. I-”

“Not now, Kev, don't do this to me now. Let's just do this.”

“I love you!” Kevin blurted.

Nick was quiet for a long moment, studying him pensively, and Kevin started to feel like he was making a huge mistake.

“I know you do, Kev,” Nick responded simply, and Kevin's heart rate slowed back down. “That's why you're doing this.”

“Not because I don't want to. I do. I swear.”

“Okay.”

So Nick understood. Or at least seemed to.

Nick kicked off his own pants and underwear and removed his shirt and lay back down. 

_For the taking_ , Kevin thought, eyes pausing on Nick's wet, red lips. Kevin slid out of his jeans and before he could settle back down on top of Nick properly, Nick yanked him down, pressing them tightly together.

Having someone else's naked dick against his was a bit odd. Kevin tested the waters and moved, feeling the coarse hairs of Nick's nether region graze against him. Nick was so warm and soft. Unbelievably hot. Felt so good.

Kevin could do this all night.

Nick let out a frustrated noise and ground his hips upward, creating mini explosions of pleasure up Kevin's body.

Two minutes. Kevin could do this for two minutes.

They began a steady pace. Kevin wanted to be frantic. He wanted to cum. He wasn't sure if that was how Nick wanted it, and Kevin wasn't a damn teenager, so he held on, trying to interpret what Nick wanted. Nick held him close and breathed uneven, shuddering breaths into Kevin's ear as they rocked together.

Kevin felt his climax approaching. If he could just move a little harder.... Had it even been a minute yet? His mind clouded in pleasure and he started to think “Fuck it,” and then - 

“No,” Nick said, trying to hold Kevin still by forcing his thighs into his sides. Kevin stopped thrusting, sighing at the loss of sensation. “I want this to be more. I want everything tonight. Do you understand?”

Kevin's eyes flashed and he second guessed himself. He'd never done _that_ before – if that's what Nick was asking.

“You're sure?”

“Damn it, Kevin, I'm sure, otherwise you know I wouldn't have asked. Do you want it, too?”

Kevin met his eyes and nodded. Nick gently pushed him away and rolled off the bed, wandering to his luggage. Kevin fondly admired the young man's tan backside as he searched one of the pockets in his bag. He realized that he should be enthralled that Nick was offering himself like that. He felt blessed. Grateful. Undeserving, because Nick felt so different about this than he did.

“What are you doing?” he asked, as Nick fumbled through the luggage. He stretched out on the bed and rolled to his side.

“Lube, you dummy,” Nick said. He found it, crawled back into the bed and dropped it, along with a condom, into Kevin's hand. “You've used it before, haven't you?”

Kevin laughed.

“Oh shut up,” Nick said. “Just do it. Do me.”

A brief smirk crawled up Kevin's lips, and he unscrewed the cap of the tube.

“Tell me if I do anything wrong or if it's not feeling good,” Kevin instructed seriously.

“Okay, Doc,” Nick agreed. He propped a pillow under his butt and another under his head and lay down, waiting on Kevin.

Right before Kevin's fingers breached Nick, the older man paused.

“Nick. You're still a little drunk, aren't you?”

Nick shrugged.

“Barely. It's been a couple hours since we left the club. It's worn off quite a bit.”

“Okay – I just wanted – I wanted to make sure that you don't regret this or anything.”

“Kevin, shut up already, I swear to God.”

Kevin listened.

It was like heaven once Kevin was fully sheathed in Nick's tight heat. Nick flexed against him, trying to get comfortable. Kevin wondered, briefly, if Nick had done this before. He was sure he didn't want to know the answer, because he found himself hoping that he was Nick's first. He couldn't stand the thought of some other nameless man being with his Nicky like this.

His Nick? Definitely. Because Nick was _his_ , he was _Kevin's_ friend, _Kevin's_ band mate, _Kevin's_ brother. And at the moment, Kevin's lover. And Nick loved _him_. Nick didn't love anyone else. He chose Kevin.

Nick didn't seem all that uncomfortable. He responded well, moaning and pulling Kevin tightly against him, so tightly there was no space between their skin. Kevin barely pulled out, just moved deeply within him, slowly, hard.

“Kev... yes,” Nick panted. He was working his hips a bit faster now, thrusting into Kevin's stomach. “Feels good.”

“Love you,” Kevin managed, biting Nick's ear. Nick dug his nails into Kevin's back.

“Are you there?” Nick gasped. “I'm almost there. I want to wait for you.”

“Almost,” Kevin replied, deepening his thrusts and speeding up much to Nick's pleasure. Nick held him impossibly tighter, and then suddenly moved against him relentlessly, his breaths coming out loud and ragged as he rode the waves of his orgasm. He tightened around Kevin during this, and Kevin lost it, drove into him until he, too, joined him in momentary bliss. His ears were nearly deafened to the howl Nick released when he came.

Once their breathing quieted some, Kevin pulled away slightly to admire the man he'd just made love to. He was startled to see tears glistening in Nick's eyes. Not again.... Why was Kevin always the cause of this?

“Are you okay?” he asked tenderly.

Nick nodded.

“Yeah, that was awesome. You got a little rough there at the very end, Kev. Not sure if I'm gonna be able to sit down for a couple days.”

“Oh – shit. Nick, I'm sorry, I didn't want to hurt you.”

“It's okay.”

Kevin gently withdrew himself from Nick's ragdoll-like body and lay beside him.

“Is it cool if I snuggle with you?” Nick asked shyly.

Kevin had to laugh.

“After all of that? You think I'd say no?”

“I just – didn't want to make things awkward.”

“Not awkward. Not at all,” Kevin said, opening his arms to allow Nick close to him. Before Nick got comfortable, Kevin reached out and pulled the covers over them, then flicked off the bedside lamp.

“You're gonna stay?” Nick asked, sounding timid.

“You don't want me to?”

“ _Kevin._ Idiot question of the year.”

“Sorry. Yeah, I'm gonna stay.”

“Just tonight.”

“Just tonight. Good night, Nickolas.”

“Night, Kevin.”

 

For the next few weeks, Nick for some reason seemed to make it a point to avoid being near him. They still talked, but not nearly as much. Kevin was hurt and confused but didn't want to upset Nick by bringing it up.

Within the month, Kristin called, wanting to get back together. Kevin couldn't wait to see her again when they got back home.

Nick must have overheard Kevin telling Howie about it, because he suddenly seemed a lot moodier. Angry with Kevin. Kevin supposed he had a right to be, although he felt that it wasn't fair. It's not like they were in a relationship. They'd both made that clear. It was just the one night.

AJ actually apologized to Kevin for it.

“Shoulda never encouraged Nicky on,” he sighed one day when he and Kevin were alone together, and Kevin explained his concerns. “He ended up with way more heartache than I anticipated.”

Kevin gave him a look.

“Did you honestly think we would become a couple or something? You thought I'd fall in love with Nick – return his feelings, and everything would be happily-ever-after?”

AJ shrugged and didn't respond.

The bitterness stayed for a few weeks. If Kevin tried to talk to Nick, Nick would either be impatient with him or give him the cold shoulder. They got home from tour and had two months off before they were planning to go into the studio again to record a new album. Nick didn't call – he usually didn't, and Kevin hadn't expected him to, anyway.

 

When they met up again, Nick hugged Kevin tightly. That was the first he'd touched him since they slept together. After Nick made that first move, it was like nothing had happened. They were back to how they used to be. Friends, brothers.

Kevin was grateful. He didn't realize how he'd been holding his breath since that night. He'd wanted to give Nick space, figured he'd come around. And he did. Kevin was relieved. Things were okay.

 

He announced his engagement to Kristin and things weren't okay again.

Nick had a girlfriend by then, one he'd been dating for about 3 months. Kevin figured Nick was over him by now – had moved on. The girlfriend should have been proof of that.

He caught Nick crying in the studio bathroom the day he'd told the guys, and that was the only other time he'd ever seen Nick cry. And all the times he'd seen Nick cry, Kevin realized, were his fault.

“Nick,” he said, when the younger man had come out of the bathroom about an hour later. Kevin decided he would pretend he didn't know Nick had been crying. It was hard, though, when Nick's beautiful blue eyes were rimmed in red, and he looked so defenseless.

“You're still here!” Nick gave a start. “I thought you guys had gone home already.”

“I wanted to make sure you were, um – I wanted to talk,” Kevin told him.

They went to the control room together and sat in the chairs. Nick absently spun in his and played with a hangnail on his index finger.

The blonde let out a long sigh. They both started to talk at the same time.

“You first,” Nick said.

“I wanted to know, I guess, how you feel about the engagement,” Kevin said carefully.

“Oh.”

They were quiet for a long time.

“Nick?”

“Oh, right. Um. It's great. She's great. You guys look so good together. I'm really happy for you. Surprised it didn't happen sooner, honestly.”

That wasn't the answer Kevin was looking for. That was his friend speaking. That wasn't _Nick_ speaking.

“No – no. I guess I should've asked, how do you feel about me?”

Nick shrugged and studied the soundboard.

“Please. I need to know. I want to know where we stand. I don't want to fuck things up even worse. We were back to normal, and now we aren't again. I can tell.”

Nick looked up, but his blue eyes gazed past Kevin's head, to the wall.

“I guess – I thought I was over you, but I guess not. I swear when you said you were marrying her, I think my heart literally ripped itself apart. That's how it felt. I was surprised. I guess somewhere deep inside I thought there might still be a chance, you know? You'd break up with her again, for good this time, and realize you love me the way I love you.”

Nick nervously mussed his hair. Kevin had a flashback to how soft and silky it felt under his fingers.

“I love you,” Kevin began slowly. Nick sniffed. “I wish I could give you what you want. But I can't.”

“I know,” Nick told him, “It's gonna take me longer than I thought to accept that, but I know. Kev, it was just the one night.”

“I know.”

“For you, it was the one night,” Nick went on. “For me, it was years. Years of stupid, idiotic feelings and hopes that I had invested in this. It fucked me up way more than I thought it was going to. I didn't want it to get this out of hand.”

Kevin shrugged.

“I don't regret what we did that night,” he said truthfully.

Nick looked back down at his lap.

“I wanna know, though,” Kevin said, “why the hell did you ignore me for so long after we slept together? What was up with that?”

Nick laughed humorlessly. 

“Sorry about that, Kev. I guess I was just trying to distance myself from you. It was kind of weird. I figured maybe if I distanced myself from you, you might suddenly want me and come after me. And if you didn't, well, that was okay, because I could live without you, you know?”

Kevin nodded, understanding.

“But then I gave that up because I realized I was acting like an idiot, and I missed you too much.”

Both men laughed.

“Nick, you doing that absolutely tortured me. I was afraid to approach you cause I thought you were mad and I just....”

“It's all in the past now,” Nick said, smiling. Kevin finally met his eyes. “It's okay.”

Kevin smiled back.

“What do you want me to do now?” he asked gently.

“Marry Kristin.”

“Fair enough.”

“What do you want _me_ to do?” Nick asked.

“Continue to be my friend and talk to me if you ever need to, about this – about anything. And never go on bouts of not talking to me for weeks at a time again.”

Nick nodded, and Kevin felt like things were really, actually, truly okay again.

“Fair enough.”

 


End file.
